WHAT IF YOU DIDN’T NEED MORE CONFIDENCE?
We often hear that we should “have self-confidence” to dare.
Dare to change.
Dare to say no.
Dare to start.
Dare to show up.
Dare to make a decision.
As if confidence had to come first, and then action could finally begin.
But what if we are sometimes waiting for the wrong thing?
“When I have confidence, I'll do it”
We can know exactly what we want and yet remain still.
We can have the skills and still doubt.
We can feel that a situation no longer suits us and continue to adapt to it.
We can have an idea that excites us… and spend months wondering if it's good enough.
It's not always a problem of ability.
And it may not even always be a problem of confidence.
Sometimes, another question lies beneath:
Am I truly allowing myself to do it?
Allow ourselves to do what?
To change our minds after we've said yes.
To choose something that those around us don't understand.
To no longer want what we have long wanted.
To be a beginner.
To try without knowing if it will work.
To say no without mentally drafting a forty-five-minute plea to justify our decision.
To take up space.
To be visible.
To succeed.
To want more.
Or simply to acknowledge: “This is what I want.”
It seems simple.
It isn't always.
Because our choices are not made in a vacuum. They encounter our history, our values, our beliefs, our loyalties, our need for security, the fear of judgment, and sometimes the habit of seeking external confirmation that we have the right to move forward.
The gaze of others can become a compass
What will people think?
Is it reasonable?
Am I legitimate?
What if I disappoint?
What if I make a mistake?
What if it doesn't work?
All these questions can be useful. They sometimes help verify a decision.
But when they take over, something shifts: we are no longer just seeking information externally, we are seeking permission.
And by implicitly asking others if our choice is valid, it becomes harder to hear what *we* want.
So perhaps the question isn't:
“How can I have enough confidence to go for it?”
But rather:
“What is preventing me today from allowing myself to try?”
Some questions to ponder
What choice would I make if I weren't waiting for anyone's validation?
What do I truly fear losing if I make this choice?
What am I protecting by changing nothing?
Who do I still need to prove that my decision is the right one to?
And if I simply gave myself the right to try, what would become possible?
It's not necessary to have the answers immediately.
Some questions deserve to remain open for a while.
Confidence can come later
Allowing ourselves doesn't mean suddenly becoming fearless.
There can still be fear. Doubt. Hesitations.
But it becomes possible to take a first step with them.
And confidence is also built through experience: trying, observing, adjusting, starting over, discovering what we are capable of.
We may not need to be perfectly ready to start.
Sometimes, the first permission is much simpler:
“I have the right to see what happens if I try.”
And you?
What would you do today if you weren't waiting for anyone's permission?
